It's been busy around here. 43 days left til we leave. I've been gone or busy the last two weekends. Kids are playing baseball, so it seems each nite dinnertime is later and later.
Where is Jesus in all this clutter that is taken place around me?? How can I hear Him amidst the constant noise? Even as I have been desperately trying to steady my gaze on Jesus, I still feel so scatter-brained when all I want to do is focus all my attention on God and what He wants to say to me. It becomes very easy to replace our actual relationship with our Father with the ins and outs of life...relying on what we know and how we're gifted to get us through each day instead of drawing from the deep well of the presence of the Lord offered to us with every new day, hand in hand with brand new mercies. Often times I feel like my heart is buried under so much clutter with task lists and deadlines coming out of my ears, all in the name of Jesus. But every day I neglect to quiet my heart and listen for His voice in the stillness, I have robbed myself of the greatest opportunity...far beyond what I could ever accomplish through e-mails or phone calls...the opportunity to sit at the feet of Jesus and be completely honest, completely understood, completely loved. I am learning and will continue to learn throughout my life that my tank empties quickly and after a few days of running around on auto-pilot, all I have left are fumes. Who needs fumes? Not me. Not the person next to me. I want to know what it means to walk by the Spirit at all times, and the only way I can operate in the Spirit and not my flesh is to find out what pleases Him, to find myself drawing from His presence every day. Lord, help me. To really know Him, not just know about Him. To have a sense of what He is doing all around me now, not relying on past experiences or encounters to get me by. They are now stale. Worthless. Smelly. What is most important? What is the thing that lasts, that cannot be taken from us? Mary knew. She sat at the feet of Jesus and hung on His every word. How she loved Him. Not because of what He could do for her or the miracles He could work in her life. No, she loved Him because He was life to her. Just being where He was was enough. Is that so for us? Am I content to sit quietly before the Lord for however long, asking nothing of Him but that He would make Himself known and come a little closer? Or is He just a means to an end for my career or my relationships or my...insert your own end here. God forbid. He is everything. And in a world that seems to often be spinning out of control with busyness and expectations and daily struggles, He is still here, calling and waiting, extending an invitation for us to come, and simply be where He is. In the presence of Almighty God.
Blessings
~M
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